Year abroad blues

If I was to say I was okay at the moment I would be lying. This semester is proving to be extremely challenging, even though I know that if this was to happen at home, it would be no feat at all. 

When I first arrived at UNT we had an induction session where we introduced to the concept of the 'year abroad blues'. We were told that they usually hit students during the middle of November and there would be a low point up until the beginning of February and things would start to perk up again. The trouble is I didn't have a 'dip' at all last semester. I couldn't have asked for a better semester. I became really close with a group of exchange students, made friends with people on my course, got a boyfriend and was making the most of my time here by travelling at the weekend. 

However, all good things must come to an end, right? 

I suddenly realised a few weeks into my first semester that I was one of two exchange students that were remaining in the U.S for the full academic year. The others were only staying for the semester and I suddenly started to panic. In order to maintain a social life, I decided to move to 'Bruce Hall' in my second semester as it was a dorm only for music students. I felt like this would be the best solution. 

However, it didn't really pan out that way. I went home for Christmas and had a fantastic time with my friends and family. The only problem was that I didn't think I was going back to America after the holidays. I saw myself back at Birmingham with my old course mates and if I'm honest, the reality of it didn't hit me at all... not even at the airport. 

At first I went to Chicago and had a fantastic time with my boyfriend, but the mood changed once I was back in Denton. The first thing I saw was Santa Fe, the old dorm I lived in last semester - where all my exchange friends didn't live anymore. Denton was starting to enclose on me. I have never felt more trapped in a place than I have in Denton. As someone who has always lived in big towns and in big cities, Denton is the smallest place I have lived in, in my entire life. 

Socially this term has been a struggle. I am having resurrect my social situation, which is difficult since everyone here is underage. The drinking culture is very different here and I miss just going to the pub with someone for a drink and a chat. I am having to switch rooms today because my roommate is unaccommodating to the extent where she wakes me up at 4:30am if everyday because of her practice routine and as a result, I have just got over the flu. I have just broken up with my boyfriend for reasons out of my control, which kills me as it worked so well. 

I have very little security here. 

I know I'm not behaving rationally here because if this happened at home, I would wipe myself down and get back up again and sort everything out... but I'm so alone here that I find it hard just to ask someone to hang out. I know I need to change something, but I can't seem to find the strength. 

I'm struggling.